How to date a wrestler

I will be writing my satirical paper on how to date a high school wrestler, by listing out the rules and guidelines that will make it happen. This handbook is guaranteed to get you the strong, smart, straight,and handsome high school wrestler you've always dreamed about. Not only will there be guidelines and rules to follow, towards the end there will be a list of coping strategies, so you and your perfect match can lock hearts for more than several seconds...

Satire Idea

I'm going to write a "rap" about artists who rap about pointless things. This is going to be about people who just rap to rap and don't have a reason or purpose behind their lyrics. I'm hoping to expose all artists who do not express themselves or rap to send a message or communicate to their listeners.

Consumer Addiction, Technology obsession

I was thinking about writing on how our generation is obsessed with the latest and greatest technology. I would write my article as a brochure for a museum of technology and from the standpoint of a visitor who has no idea what a house phone is, nor a laptop. Just an idea. any ideas?

Snuggie Infomercial

My satire is going to be about how people get sucked into infomercials and buy the product because they think it is actually something that will work and will make your life better. I am basing my satire mostly on the ridiculous snuggie product. Because it's presented as being not just an article of clothing, but an essential solution that delivers clearly stated and highly desired benefits to whoever buys it.

OCD

I was thinking i would write about OCD and how it really affects certain people. And maybe some people dont have official OCD but they just cant stand to have things out of place or everything must be done a right way. If there book doesn't line up with their desk it becomes an obsession to fix and make sure it doesn't happen again. The format will be more of a diary type thing. A day in the life of an OCD girl. Go through her day with all her weird quirks and how her surroundings impact her. It will either be a full day or up til lunch depending on how detailed it is.

over population

The Blood's and crips will be two things that will single handily make over population a thing of the past. I find that if everybody in this world were to join one of these two street gangs our world would be perfect. With the world picking one of the two sides there would always be fire fights taking the streets with numerous dead bodies acquiring. If everybody in this world started to deal drugs and illegal fire arms our enemies would be made very fast! If one person on the crips did something to humiliate the bloods then the bloods would get everybody in there area and hire a hit on the crips. If this were to happen I am sure Tellurides main street would look like a giant block of red swiss cheese. There for all that red would be the word overpopulation being washed away. Having this happen i know one thing that would go through a lot of peoples head, survival of the fittest. The people who are weak and cant fend for there selfs will become the targets and end up dyeing. I figure that if this was to happen that we could lose a billion people in just over a year.

Mitch's discussion of satire

Hello children. I was thinking about writing a satire on how stupid the whole skiing vs snowboarding arguments are. I thought I would write a conversation between a skier and a snowboarder. They would be arguing about which one is better. I am going to make them both seem like idiots to show how the whole argument is ridiculous. What do you think?

Matt Mitchell bows up half of Colorado.

I wanted to write my satirical essay on my fathers funny obsession with blowing up various objects. It will be a newspaper article describing the mischief my dad has been up too. Starting off with small things, like coffee mugs, then explaining and telling stories about how the objects become bigger and bigger, until eventually he blows up half of Colorado. It should be pretty funny, and I would really like some ideas for objects he would, and could blow up. There will be funny lines like "Oh, there goes Ajax. Matt must be out playing." I also will explain how the explosives start of using tannerite then eventually turns into TNT and such, because per object the "BOOM!" just wasn't good enough.

Top 40

I'm thinking... Popular music. The majority of the music that tops the charts is soooooooooo... wrong. Lets get wasted and have sex and get more wasted! I think that i might attempt to write a song..? or maybe a music review! yeah a rolling stone-esque music review completely bashing todays completely arrogant sexual vapid chart toppers. of course there are the exceptions but even those exceptional songs get overplayed until all of the emotion gets completely vaporized. Should be pretty good:)

Satire Idearrr

I will be satirizing facebook. To do this, I will either make a fake facebook page with pictures of people in front of mirrors (trying to look as good as they can) and statuses that have been updated way too many times in a day with words like "your" used incorrectly, or I will write about a typical facebook visit- one that was intended to last only a few minutes, but ends up being two hours because you needed a new profile picture, and needed to respond to every single notification, and have an hour and a half chat session consisting of 4 worded sentences at most with a person you barely know but added them on facebook and you want to get to know them better. It will comment on the lack of confidence people have and are afraid to have ugly pictures of themselves on their profiles, how people just resort to technology for communication these days, and how lazy people have become with spelling and grammar. A little shaky right now, but hopefully it works out.

my wonderful idea

This is what similar to what I am going to do except with the Broncos and the Steelers. Its a "Key to the Game" thing from ESPN. And I'm going to rip on Tebow and the Steelers QB who apparently rapped someone. Any other ideas of teams to do?

Medical Marijuana

For my satirical paper, I am going to comment on the whole Medical Marijuana industry. I am going to write in the format of a blog. Specifically, the blog will belong to the local dispensary Alpine Dank. Each entry on the blog will be from a different character, similar to our AP Language blog. I have already written a few satirical posts, which I will briefly describe, but I am open to many more suggestions.
The first is from a parent, but this parent is completely for her child’s use of medical marijuana. Her son sprained his ankle in a soccer game and because of his frequent use of marijuana, he has not gotten off the couch. Therefore, the mother is praising Alpine Dank for helping her son’s ankle heal. Another post is from a student who is completely in love with marijuana induced candies. He talks about sucking on the candies during class and offering them to his peers who are not aware of their potency. That comments on the ridiculousness of some teenagers’ obsession with pot and the industry’s cleverness to invent new ways to get high. The third entry I wrote concerns a teen girl. She is extremely active, plays many sports, gets perfect grades, and always does everything on time. But her one problem is that she cannot sleep. So, a friend suggests medical marijuana to cure her insomnia and the girl goes for it. Within a few weeks, the girl could not be more satisfied; it has cured her problem. Except now, all the girl does is sleep and sleep and sleep and is no longer the active and timely person she used to be, but she does not care about any of that anymore. The last post is about a super skinny girl who has been raising concerns due to her eating habits. Both her friends and her mother are in on a plot to help the skinny girl gain weight, but they do not want to offend her. So, the mother starts buying pot infused butter, soda, and other foods which the girl will consume without knowing. The weed in her system will make her hungry and therefore eat more without being overly aware.
So basically I’m just trying to talk about the absurdity of the loose restrictions for medical marijuana through the eyes of patients. If you guys have any comments or suggestions on the four posts I’ve already written I’d love to hear them and maybe add more. Also if you have any new subjects that you think would be funny don’t be afraid to say so.

High Fashion

I have already written my blog.  In it, I dissected the flaws of high fashion.  The "author" of this "newspaper" is trying to convince their audience that high fashion is practical and affordable, when all of the sudden they find themselves completely off track and listing accidents caused by high fashion and the people involved.  I want it to convince people that they are wasting their money on something they could otherwise get for a reasonable price.  And that, in addition, high fashion can just be dangerous.  Just look at the shoes when you go into a high end department store!  They are freaking insane.  One can only imagine all the problems that would be caused by those suckers: feet problems, leg problems, back problems.  I know, myself, how painful high heels are and try to subject myself to the pain as rarely as possible.  After taking high heels off after wearing them for an hour of two, your feet ache, you feel crippled, you want to lie down and have someone treat you to a foot massage.  But I must say, they are cute, and maybe that's the problem.  We're a society that's so obsessed with having expensive, designer crap, and I can blame myself along with everyone else.  I love high fashion and when I was writing this satire I was having fun making a joke of myself right along with all the other women who agree with me. 

Deep down, we know high fashion is a waste of money and that all those designer shoes are just an accident waiting to happen and I wanted to bring that idea forth and elaborate on our socities' obsession.  So here's a sneak peek: The other day, a designer by the name of Sergio Ashburn, released his much anticipated clothing line: Waterscape.  Women flocked to his new store in New York.  In fact, this clothing release was so popular that out of these 500 select housewives who were invited to the store’s opening, 15 were reported to have sustained minor injuries in the rush to get through the door.  Authorities say these injuries were caused by, “fake nails, porcelain veneers, and the use of force to rip fake eyelashes off of sensitive eye tissue leading to possible scars and loss of collagen in the area.” 

Satire Idea

OK so i'm now satirizing the 1% vs 99% issue thats been going on lately with Occupy Wall Street. I'm doing it in the format of a news article, so here a headline for you:

RICH 1% OF POPULATION FLEE TO ELABORATE FALLOUT SHELTERS TO AVOID IMPENDING DESTRUCTION OF EARTH. REST OF HUMANITY LEFT TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES.

Satire

For my satire I am going to write a hip-hop song on mainstream rappers. I never liked how mainstream rappers portray themselves in songs. I think real hip-hop artists are those that don't write songs just to gain publicity or fame, but rather because it's what they like to do. Cheesy rappers like Woka Flocka Flame are destroying hip-hop and need to be stopped!

Satire Essay

For my satirical essay i was going to write about how altitude enhances human intelligence. Ill start off with stories about going up the gondola to high elevations and tourists start to ask there intelligent questions about " at what elevation do deer turn into elk?" and "Where do you store the moguls in the summer?" are just a few of the many stories that show how elevation makes you intelligent. Another example i was going to use is during science class people asking if you can really light water on fire, if banana's have calcium because they are white. All of these things prove that you are more intelligent in higher elevation. Studies have found that the higher in elevation you are the less air there is. This means that there isn't a lot of air resistance for those intelligent thoughts to go from your brain to your mouth! Your body functions better with less oxygen! If anyone has anymore stories about how this is true, post them!

Face to Face/Social Networking

I am thinking about doing my satire paper on face to face communication or social networking. I am not quite sure where to start. Any ideas? I may do a Facebook wall type of thing. I definitely am going to satirize how important people think their pages are and how committed they are to get "followers." I think it is funny when people thank their followers for liking their photo. Is it really that big of a confidence booster? Social networking has taken over our lives and it completely distracts us from reality. On Instagram, you want your picture to be on the "Popular Page." If it isn't, you might think you aren't attractive enough or have bad editing skills. I am probably going to format a satirical Facebook page and hopefully I can figure out how to do that.

Every generation has its own fad. We grew up in the Cool 90s and now what are we in? The Reality Show 2000s? Our lives are surrounded by the influence of the mass media. Not the news, but Jersey Shore, Kendra, the Kardashians, and every other reality show. What we wear, what we say, who we like and even what we want to smell like all comes from these so called role models. More people know about Kim Kardashians three episode fiance/husband or Justin Bieber's maybe baby mama than about the European debt crisis or the GOP candidates. Our generation needs to be more aware about what is actually happening in the world that could effect their lives than about their future husband Justin Bieber, who they will probably never meet.

Roger writing about football?

So I was thinking for a good satirical piece I could write about another college coach getting into a recruiting violation... The coach sends an email to a future recruit but accidentally includes the NCAA commisioner. In the Email they express how they will have the pillow stuffed with money, something along those lines. Another thing Mr. Lavender suggested was a satircal halftime coaches speech. Maybe a culmination of all the greatest speeches with just a few twists. Then possibly go on to use alot of jokes that you would have to know football in order to get the joke. Example: Billy our trusted quarterback of the last couple years, yes you've thrown 7 interceptions but it obviously isn't your fault. The Line has been unable to fend off the deffensive pressure. Something dumb like that. The first one would obviously be in email form, much like the satirical piece we read in class. And the second one would be in just a speach that was logged and writen down on paper.

Racism Solution

I believe that a good solution to racism in modern society is to paint yourself a random color every week. Therefore there is no more racism as everyone is an ever changing color, and no grudges can be kept for a long period of time. I can't think of a good way to write this effectively. I was thinking maybe a federal letter establishing color parlors, and telling of laws established to make everyone visit a parlor once a week at the same time. Wont go into detail about the color parlors.

Or maybe a newspaper article about this plan and its en-action in the future, using a scientist to back some claims up. Other ideas would be much appreciated.

Racism Solution

I believe that a good solution to racism in modern society is to paint yourself a random color every week. Therefore there is no more racism as everyone is an ever changing color, and no grudges can be kept for a long period of time. I can't think of a good way to write this effectively. I was thinking maybe a federal letter establishing color parlors, and telling of laws established to make everyone visit a parlor once a week at the same time. Wont go into detail about the color parlors.

Or maybe a newspaper article about this plan and its en-action in the future, using a scientist to back some claims up. Other ideas would be much appreciated.

Hardcore Gamers

I'm going to be satirizing how serious people take video games, which I will do by writing a dialogue between several computer game addicts that supposedly takes place within the confines of the game's chat log. I'll comment on the hardcore attitude some people take on video games and how pointless it is to take them quite that seriously. The way that some people religiously play games such as Call of Duty and World of Warcraft will be my main focus, the 72 hour gaming sessions without sleep and the energy drink binge drinking, not casual video game playing or the video games themselves. What do you guys think is the most ridiculous thing hardcore gamers do?

Satire Idea

So I think for my satire I'm gonna write about texting and the whole spelling dilemma. Between t9 on regular phones and the spell check on smart phones, you either don't need to know how to spell, or you understand what other people are saying when they write ahdfhhfa. I know I've made all kind of mistakes when texting...like one time Emy, Carla, and me were trying to make plans for something and I texted Emy, "yeah, carla has aids" instead of "yeah, carla has cheer", because aids and cheer can switch with each other quite easily on t9. That is how rumors get started. And everyone knows when their screen says "duck" or "ducking", they are actually dropping the f bomb. So basically I think my paper is going to be a texting conversation between me and a friend, where nothing actually makes sense, but if you're a fellow texter you will understand.

Davis is about to release the truth behind twitter users

I, through hours of thought, have come up with the idea to satirize twitter, which is already very satirical in itself. Twitter ties into basically everything in today's world, and it make me want to stuff a baby into one of those pneumatic t-shirt cannons (you know, the ones that launch t-shirts to the upper deck of Major league baseball stadiums) and send that sucker to Utah. I hope to cover ever ridiculous edge to twitter and the people that are completely contained in their fake, online, celebrity persona that captures the true stupidity of their actually uneventful lives.

Wolf Gang.

Mary Jauna Burger and Fries

This is one paragraph of my satire.... its virtually about drug abuse and the why people must have drugs in order to be content. I will either present it as a boring piece of paper, create virtual med cards and on the back instead of laws and regulations have each paragraph, or several munchies food bags along with it and post ingredients on the back from a new print out that says ingredients and health concerns (or non-concerns)

However I also started a satire on girls who either lack confidence in themselves or find attention through sexual desire. this may be a little too mean.. but could be represented in a burn book like in mean girls..

(sorry my topics are dergatory take no offense they are just opinions)

Food tastes better, smells better and is consumed with more joy. So why don’t people all smoke a bowl before Thanksgiving dinner? That is a hard question to answer, maybe simply because people would rather spend a meal time feeling heart-warmed by their family members verses internally debating about weather the fly on the wall will reincarnate into a lion in the next twenty four hours since flies only live for twenty four hours on average. Some intellectual capacity is actually needed and most times appreciated at meal times. Munchies, the mental barrier to how wonderful food intensifies savory flavors and is the high at the mental state adds to the vibrancy of a total wicked experience. Mary Jane feeds off of any food and will constantly be shouting in your head, “Mary Jauna Burger and Fries, a pizza and twelve milkshakes.”

Satire- Fast Food

I was thinking of satirizing the fast food industry.

I would poke fun at the nutrition factor. And when you drive through a city and see a Micky D's there dive-thru line goes thru the parking lot so soon the cars have to go down a block to another. When you drive down a main street there are at least three fast food restaurants on each block. It seems as if everything unhealthy for you is extremely convenient, and tasty. And its all because everything is fried in a boat load of grease.
I could talk about how since the economy is tanking that is the only food they can afford.
Or about how fast food is good for you because it keeps you from looking so skinny and unhealthy. And maybe one day being chunky will be the new skinny.

Maybe I could tell a story of some ignorant white person who is out in the Sahara looking for some fast food. He sees some starved Africans with balloted bellies and asks where he can find a Burger King.

I could either write it as a menu, and ad, or something else.

What are your thoughts?